Are Children Showing Self Reliance at Your School?

A version of this article is on Dr. Robyn’s Powerful Parenting Blog for parents who attend your schools and use the Powerful Words Character System to help their children thrive. This blog is a free service of Powerful Words Character Development.

Because it’s Self Reliance month for Powerful Words, it’s important that we provide children with opportunities to show self reliance at our schools. Perhaps they have been relying on their parents (or their teachers?) to do some things that they can do on their own. What are these things?

Are they able to:

• Pack their own bags for class?
• Remember all their equipment?
• Do their own Powerful Words projects?
• Hand in their Powerful Words projects?
• Hang up their own jackets?
• Tie their own shoes?
• Get ready for your class on their own?
• Stay quiet before class without being reminded?
• Work on their skills in class responsibly even when your back is turned?
• Lead the class in stretching or skills?
• Practice for class, a test, or an event?
• Clean up after themselves?
• Remember all their stuff when they leave their school

Encourage your students to take some time to ask themselves; “how have I shown self reliance today?” It’s this kind of focus and questioning that will help them to take a hard look at their behaviors, take some risks, make some changes, and become more self reliant in the long run.

We’d love to hear how your students are showing self reliance at your schools. Tell us about it!

Helicopter Parents; Volume 2: 4 Consequences of Being Overprotective

This article is Part 2 of a series on Helicopter Parenting. Part 1, “Why are they so overprotective” can be found here.

What are the negative effects of helicopter parenting?

By Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

While overprotective parents want the very best for their children, in the long run, they might be doing more harm than good. After all, childhood is supposed to be a time to make mistakes, learn from them and grow to be independent and self reliant. Without this training ground, adulthood can be a very rude awakening.

Harmful effects of helicopter parenting include the following:

(1) Undermining children’s confidence: No one can argue that confidence is one of the most important predictors of success. It is the foundation of self reliance and lays the groundwork for commitment, perseverance, goal achievement, and courage. When parents take the reins, they do not allow their children to learn how to take charge of their own lives. The repercussions can be long lasting.

(2) Instilling fear of failure: If a child is learning that success is always dependent on the help of Mommy and Daddy, he can become fearful that failure is imminent if he tries to go it alone. Clearly no parent wants to see their child fail. However, if a child is continually shielded from disappointment and inadequacy, he is being denied the chance to learn how to persevere.

(3) Stunting growth and development: Since helicopter parents are essentially “babying” their children, it’s not surprising that kids of smothering mothers can be less mature than their self reliant counterparts. Studies have shown that these children lack some of the knowledge to negotiate what they need, solve their own problems, stay safe, and interact in close quarters with others.

(4) Raising anxiety levels: Research has shown that parents who consistently judge their own self worth by their children’s success report feeling more sad and having a more negative self image than parents who did not engage in this behavior. Interestingly, parents’ anxiety levels and dissatisfaction with life has shown a marked increase during the past twenty years as parents have become increasingly involved in their children’s lives.

As you know, it’s self reliance month for Powerful Words schools. While we all want parents to have a healthy and positive interest in their children and their education, it’s important to help parents understand that too much participation can be a detriment to their children’s development of self reliance and self confidence.

Parents and educators need to partner with each other for the good of the children– and this, inevitably, will allow our students to become thriving, self-assured leaders in life.

Until next time…Have a Powerful Month!

Helicopter Parents; Volume 1: Why Are these Parents So Overprotective?

Helicopter Parents: Overprotective parents who hover over their children and swoop in at the slightest sign of distress.

I recently received 3 different emails from teachers telling me about overbearing parents who are making it nearly impossible for their children to exercise this month’s powerful word, Self Reliance. We all want our students’ parents to be a positive part of our schools. We want them to care about their children’s education. But you asked; “Why are these parents so overprotective?”

Why are some parents so overprotective?

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

Parents are overprotective for all different reasons. Here are a few:

1. Need for control: Parents can not control the terrorists. They can not control the kidnappers or the pedophiles. They can, however, control how their children spend their time and of course, with whom.

2. Bigger, Better, Faster: Children who are learning skills are usually slower and less adept than their parents. Therefore, it’s not surprising for parents to feel that “It will be faster, bigger, bolder, and just plain better if I take charge.”

3. Fear the failure: These Moms and Dads can not stand by and watch their child feel inadequate, unprepared, or miserable in any way. It is too heartbreaking. They feel it is their responsibility to protect their child from these negative feelings.

4. Desire to live vicariously: These Moms and Dads spend their time doing a large amount of their child’s work and looking for acceptance and approval for their own performance. They throw themselves into every activity their child does and take it personally when their child does not succeed.

5. Entitlement: These parents are constantly checking to see how you are treating their child in comparison to others. They keep their eyes on everyone else’s plate. They believe that their child should get more of your time, additional energy from your staff, and lots of free “extras.” If it will help their child, they will ask for it.

6. Need to keep them young: Some parents don’t like the idea of their children growing up. When children are dependent on their parents, parents can feel needed and wanted.

It takes a very patient, secure parent to allow their children to employ self reliance. It can be hard to let go. This month, be sensitive and encouraging to both parents and students. Children who are self reliant are confident in their own skills and therefore, are more apt to go after their dreams.

Have a Powerful Day!