Helicopter Parents: Overprotective parents who hover over their children and swoop in at the slightest sign of distress.
I recently received 3 different emails from teachers telling me about overbearing parents who are making it nearly impossible for their children to exercise this month’s powerful word, Self Reliance. We all want our students’ parents to be a positive part of our schools. We want them to care about their children’s education. But you asked; “Why are these parents so overprotective?”
Why are some parents so overprotective?
Parents are overprotective for all different reasons. Here are a few:
1. Need for control: Parents can not control the terrorists. They can not control the kidnappers or the pedophiles. They can, however, control how their children spend their time and of course, with whom.
2. Bigger, Better, Faster: Children who are learning skills are usually slower and less adept than their parents. Therefore, it’s not surprising for parents to feel that “It will be faster, bigger, bolder, and just plain better if I take charge.”
3. Fear the failure: These Moms and Dads can not stand by and watch their child feel inadequate, unprepared, or miserable in any way. It is too heartbreaking. They feel it is their responsibility to protect their child from these negative feelings.
4. Desire to live vicariously: These Moms and Dads spend their time doing a large amount of their child’s work and looking for acceptance and approval for their own performance. They throw themselves into every activity their child does and take it personally when their child does not succeed.
5. Entitlement: These parents are constantly checking to see how you are treating their child in comparison to others. They keep their eyes on everyone else’s plate. They believe that their child should get more of your time, additional energy from your staff, and lots of free “extras.” If it will help their child, they will ask for it.
6. Need to keep them young: Some parents don’t like the idea of their children growing up. When children are dependent on their parents, parents can feel needed and wanted.
It takes a very patient, secure parent to allow their children to employ self reliance. It can be hard to let go. This month, be sensitive and encouraging to both parents and students. Children who are self reliant are confident in their own skills and therefore, are more apt to go after their dreams.
Have a Powerful Day!
Filed under: Character Development Related, Dr. Robyn Info | Tagged: children, Families, Helicopter parents, Overprotective, parents, Self Reliance
I wonder if having children later in life might be contributing.
Parents are having kids later in life when their careers are already established, so they have more time to meddle.
It’s also more likely that the child’s grandparents have passed away, and so can’t provide guidance to the parents.
Older parents have fewer children, so they are more likely to throw all their hopes, dreams, and efforts into the few (or one) children they do have.
Or I could just be blowing hot air
It’s certainly an interesting topic to dive into. I’m very grateful my parents were not like these — they allowed me the room to discover things on my own.
Scott– I gotta disagree. From my experience, older parents are much less likely to be overprotective. As far as I can tell, they’re more mature, more grounded, and less likely than a wide-eyed 30-year-old to “freak out” over every little thing. They grew up in a different time and have a wider prospective on life–they can look back on their years and understand that little Lauren’s noodle-gluing ability will have no affect whatsoever on her future.
My parents are much older than normal (though they did have 3 kids before me, so the above paragraph isn’t really relevant to them). After my dad lost a ton of money in the stock market, my mom had to go back to work, and we didn’t have the money for a babysitter. The result? I came home after school every day and chilled by myself for a few hours.
I was 8.
Ludicrous, right? A third grader, home alone, completely vulnerable to kidnappers and–even worse–with no one to stop her from eating junk food and watching Jerry Springer!
Looking back, I am incredibly thankful for the experience (it went on for 5 years, although I’m sure it became acceptable at some age), as well as other freedoms my parents gave me. I’m sure my mom felt guilty and, yes, I could have been shot in the head during a burglary. But I learned to be more independent than any of my peers (without growing up too fast like a sibling-raiser). I learned how to be productive without anyone there telling me to do my homework, how to not rely on adults as an unrealistic safety blanket, and how to have fun on my own without other people to provide me with “activities.” I developed a free-thinking mind that can actually determine what’s good for me and what’s bad for me without my mother constantly telling me which one to choose. I, myself, can tell when a friend is a bad influence; I developed the legitimate OPINION that drugs are stupid.
Overprotective parents are repulsive to me. I never experienced sheltering, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Could it be that many of the baby boomers had strict, authoritarian parents and today’s helicopter parents are trying to overcompensate for how they were raised?
[...] are a number of reasons that parents hover. Wanting to keep control, wanting to just get it done quick and easy and not have to watch their [...]
Wonderful site=D Hope to come back again soon..